im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
