I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
