He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
