you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
