Swine flu is the new snow day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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