I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
