somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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