my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
