im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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