even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
