i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
