I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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