He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
did i walk over a car last night?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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