well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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