woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
