i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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