but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
