i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
