I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
