girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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