I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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