Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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