Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
