if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
