Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
