I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize