You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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