i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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