someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
