we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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