and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
