I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
