yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
