Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
