my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
