i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
