dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
