Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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