Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
