So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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