Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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