I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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