Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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