I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
where are my eyebrows?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
