i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
