batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you win again, gameday.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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