So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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