When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I could have mohawked her pubes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it was like eating out sand paper
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
