I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
