she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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