Are we in a gay sports bar?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
