I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
