I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
