guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
