Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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