We need to rekindle our bromance
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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