We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
