Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
