There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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