How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
