Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
