Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
