you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
