bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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