I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
