Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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