mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
