That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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