Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need water and some morals
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
