Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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