I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
